"Ward Words," blatantly cut and pasted from Radioactive Terry Ward's Facebook page so that you, too, can incorporate them into your vocabulary . . .

Terry as a floating face

Martha note: Around five, the WMRA offices pretty much clear out except for me, Tom DuVal (who never stops working) and Terry Ward, who's there to bring you All Things Considered. 

This is when Terry and I get to have our daily goof-ball conversations during which he says funny things (imagine Terry Ward being funny!), and I laugh. 

Yesterday, our conversation revolved around Terry's invention of the word "disimprove" to describe something some system had done to the WMRA on-air computer that makes it go dark while whoever's on the air is smack in the middle of reading an announcement. 

I'm proud to say that the Woodroofs have actually invented one Woodroof Word, completely by accident. Charlie was working a crossword puzzle, evidently incorrectly, for when he'd filled in all words but one, the remaining word came up as "repozzled." That has entered our family's vocabulary as a word meaning, "a feeling of puzzled wonderment of the ‘how-the hell-did-this-happen' variety." Or, as a secondary meaning, "the state of being completely flummoxed by a crossword puzzle. . ." 

Terry, however, seems to invent his wondrous words effortlessly and with no miss-worked crosswords necessary. 

Boohillion

Variable measure for any mind-blowingly large number of the sort that makes mere millions look like pocket change.  (It costs a boo-hillion dollars to build an aircraft carrier).

Disimprove, disimprovement

Changes imposed from above which are packaged as improvements but which make things worse or less usable.  Many bureaucratic adjustments, IT department moves, and Facebook automatic wall-format changes are dis-improvements.

Docutorial

Film made in the documentary manner with a non-neutral, activist perspective;  a documentary-style call-to-action film.

image by Galen Johnson

Depressionette

The global economic downturn/mess/meltdown 2008-201_  ;  AKA the Great Recession.

New Security

The post-September Eleventh changes through Homeland Security, TSA, FBI, and the rest ---everything from Orange Alerts to, "If you see something, say something," to TSA "gate rape" (latter phrase not used on-air ---found on the web).

Gulf War One

The 1990-91 Gulf war, Operation Desert Storm ---started speaking of Gulf War One circa 1999-2002 when it seemed like a Gulf War II wasn't far away.  Shortly after outbreak of the Iraq War (AKA Gulf War II) in 2003, the phrases Gulf War One and Gulf War II were in widespread use.

Hussein-ey hole

Any hidey-hole used by a deposed autocrat.  Named for temporary hole-dweller Saddam Hussein.

Britches Bomber

The attempted "underwear bomber", Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab ---accused of trying to crash Northwest Airlines Flight 253 on December 25, 2009 as it approached Detroit from Amsterdam.

The Acronym-Resistant Event

The annual "Active Shooter Situation" drill.   Occasionally area public safety forces participate in this exercise which sounds rude when acronym-ed.

False Return,

Tease Return

Broadcast scheduling format technique used widely in national AM radio shows in which a commercial break is followed by an apparent "return" to the show ---which in fact lasts only 40-90 seconds or so before going to another commercial break.  The sound of the show host's voice leads some listeners who'd lowered volume during the ads to raise the volume and assume that the show had returned ---only to be hit with a new onslaught of commercials.

Terry & I in an F.U. moment

F.U. value

Transitional phrase spoken at public broadcasting stations when segueing from regular programming to a local fundraiser pitch:  "if you value  that kind of broadcasting, well please call now and support it..."

Happy Friday

A greeting honoring the end of the work-week as the mini-holiday that it usually is ---used on-air since about 1988.  The phrase spread to some Music Through the Night-affiliated music radio hosts, and ---so the rumor goes--- from there to right-wing AM talker Sean Hannity who ---so the rumor goes--- uses it often while also bungling it by randomly wishing people "happy (any workday),"  even (horrors!) "happy Monday".  An email inquiry to the AM show went unanswered.  (Ward is uninterested in listening to the AM show for the purpose of confirming such rumors.)

Fairfaxification

Covering countryside with commercial sprawl ---from an early 1990's municipal meeting.

Tuvo-Scots reggae,

Gregorian slam-jazz,

Post-disco fado-hop,

Celto-uvular krunk,

Klez-yodel fusion,

Xylo-panpipe punk ...(etc)

Various nicknames for the sort of unlikely crossover music sure to be featured on "Morning Edition", "Weekend Edition", or "All Things Considered" at least five times per year ---mostly just because it is such an unlikely crossover.

Cyberfriend

A Facebook-only "friend" ---usable as noun or verb.

 'Deef

In the manner of Facebook, to DeFriend ---"oh what a mean comment; she'll get deefed for sure."

The  _(location)_  Shooter

On-air identification of various spree killers ---nearly-always-memorized but purposefully kept unnamed on air out of a principled belief that no one should get fame for murdering civilians.  They are identified instead as "The Arizona Shooter," "The Virginia Tech Shooter," "The Beltway Snipers," "The Columbine Shooters," et cetera, as a way of doing a small part to not-contribute to the media celebrity of (alleged) killer/s.

Social Self-Narration

When strangers who otherwise wouldn't converse are placed near each other by virtue of pot-luck or party snack table placement feel obliged to say something aloud and so make otherwise-inane declarative statements about their own easily-observable activity : "well, I'm gonna try a couple of those deviled eggs,"  "ooh I'm just gonna squeeze in here and get a napkin," "I think its time for more artichoke dip."

Ichthyochrome

Fish-shaped chrome-colored car decorations, such as Jesus-fish things. 

To "pull a Spiderman"

While acting on stage, to fall into the orchestra pit.   By extension, any very impressive almost-but-not-quite fatal fall.

Soooooo, any comments on the Ward Words? Better yet, any "You Words" to contribute to the WMRA Community conversation?

WMRA's Humor Czar. . .

It's Monday. I fired up my computer, perused a few news sites, and felt the weekend's smooth mood receding before an onslaught of shouting headlines concerning privacy invasion, gay bashing, the staggering world economy, the house arrest of the wife of Nobel Peace laureate Liu Xiaobo....

The horror! The horror! Where's Terry Ward when I need him?????  You see, I long ago designated Terry as WMRA's (and my own) official humor-finder, even on the baddest of bad news days.

My own Theory of Terry is that reality holds an extra dimension for him; that Mr. Ward can see the absurd lurking around even the most serious of the serious. And it's not that he's laughing at anyone or anything. Terry's just completely plugged in to humanity's ongoing romance with sound and fury and all it doesn't signify.

For example, years ago when Martha Stewart was having her little legal difficulties, Terry ripped the words "Martha's Mess" off a Newsweek cover, and taped it over the door of my office -- a space that, shall we say, is not neat. I was so amused by this, I had that partial cover laminated and still use it as my desk plate; thus putting the humorous aspects of both Marthas' disparate frailties on display for others.

So, anyway, back to my morning and all those distressing headlines. . .  No, I told myself, you cannot in good conscience blog about the Redskins' overtime victory over the Green Bay Packers. That is not news. You should delve into some serious and anxiety-provoking topic for today's post.

I don't know about you, but when I need to tread professional water for a few minutes, I check my e-mail.  And lo-and-behold, there was a message from Terry!

The e-mail was slugged "blog fodder." Hope flickered. Might Terry once again be plunking his magic humor twanger over the news?

I opened the e-mail to find an Onion link.  I clicked, I read, I laughed, I kept laughing. And then I thought, what the hell? Why can't the WMRA Blog hang out in Terry Reality just for today?

So here's The Onion story Terry sent me.

I think it says a lot about Terry, about us, about Washington. 

Seriously . . .

American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress

October 6, 2010 | ISSUE 46•40

American People lobbyist Jack Weldon

WASHINGTON—Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

Known among Beltway insiders for his ability to sway public policy on behalf of massive corporations such as Johnson & Johnson, Monsanto, and AT&T, Weldon, 53, is expected to use his vast network of political connections to give his new client a voice in the legislative process.

Weldon is reportedly charging the American people $795 an hour.

"Unlike R.J. Reynolds, Pfizer, or Bank of America, the U.S. populace lacks the access to public officials required to further its legislative goals," a statement from the nation read in part. "Jack Weldon gives us that access."

"His daily presence in the Capitol will ensure the American people finally get a seat at the table," the statement continued. "And it will allow him to advance our message that everyone, including Americans, deserves to be represented in Washington."

Weldon says he hopes to spin the American public, above, as a group worth Congress' time.
The 310-million-member group said it will rely on Weldon's considerable clout to ensure its concerns are taken into account when Congress addresses issues such as education, immigration, national security, health care, transportation, the economy, affordable college tuition, infrastructure, jobs, equal rights, taxes, Social Security, the environment, housing, the national debt, agriculture, energy, alternative energy, nutrition, imports, exports, foreign relations, the arts, and crime.

Sources confirmed that Weldon is already scheduled to have drinks Monday with several members of the Senate Appropriations Committee to discuss saving the middle class.
"If you have a problem, say, with America's atrocious treatment of its veterans, you can't just pick up a phone and call your local congressman," Weldon told reporters from his office on K Street Monday. "You need someone on the inside who understands how democracy works; someone who knows how to grease the wheels a little."

Weldon said that after successfully advocating on behalf of Goldman Sachs and BP, he is relishing the opportunity to lobby for the American people, calling it the "challenge of a lifetime." The veteran D.C. power player admitted that his new client is at a disadvantage because it lacks the money and power of other groups.

"The goal is to make it seem politically advantageous for legislators to keep the American people in mind when making laws," Weldon said. "Lawmakers are going to ask me, 'Why should I care about the American people? What's in it for me?' And it will be up to me and my team to find some reason why they should consider putting poverty and medical care for children on the legislative docket."

"To be honest," Weldon added, "the American people have always been perceived as a little naïve when it comes to their representative government. But having me on their side sends a clear message that they're finally serious and want to play ball."

According to Washington heavyweights, hiring Weldon is an immediate game changer and should force politicians to take citizens' concerns seriously for the first time in decades. Moreover, sources said, Weldon will be able to help lawmakers see the American people as more than just a low-priority fringe group.

"Jack is very good at what he does," said Joseph Pearlman, a headhunter for the McCormick Group who specializes in placing lobbyists. "He can take an issue that is nowhere on the congressional radar, like the pursuit of happiness, for example, and make it politically relevant. The next time Congress passes a bill dealing with civil rights or taxes, I wouldn't be surprised if the U.S. populace is mentioned somewhere in the final language."

Though Weldon has only been on the job for three days, legislators have already seemed to take notice.

"Before today, I'd actually never heard of this group," Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) told reporters.

"But if Jack says they're worth my time, I'll take a look and see if maybe there are some areas where our interests overlap."

"But I'm not making any promises," he added. "I'm a very busy man."

So, did you find this as funny as I did?

Making radio . . .

Okay, I have to be on the road by 7:30 a.m. today, heading south to Lexington, to give the second of two essay-writing workshops at Boxerwood Gardens. This means I don't have a lot of time to write this morning, so it seemed like a good time to post a picture WMRA's Terry Ward took two days ago. I thought it might be of interest to you, particularly if you've never been to the WMRA studios before.

Yesterday on Morning Edition, we aired what's called a two-way interview (i.e. a conversation) between local ME host Bob Leweke and Virginia Insight host/reporter Tom Graham discussing what's going on in the Virginia General Assembly. Tom had just gotten back from Richmond, covering what's known as cross-over day; the day when all legislative bills under consideration cross over from the House to the Senate or vice-versa.

Sometimes "2-ways" are done live, but since there was some lead time before this one and it wasn't a breaking story, we decided to record it the afternoon before. The red-headed guy in the picture is WMRA  Program Director and production wizard, Matt Bingay. He's in the on-air studio running the board (controlling sound levels and sound balance) and recording Tom Graham and Bob Leweke, whom you can see through the studio window. They are seated in what we call the talk show studio. People in the two soundproof rooms can communicate visually and through microphones.

After Matt digitally records Tom and Bob, he'll trim their conversation to fit a particular time slot in Morning Edition. That done, he'll load the digital audio file into our automation system.

All Bob has to do to air the interview is punch a button on that board in the on-air studio.

Making radio fascinates me. If the process fascinates you, as well, please come by and visit the WMRA studio. We love where we work, are very grateful to you for helping us work there, and would be so proud to show you around.

(By the way, if you look closely, you can see Terry Ward reflected in the talk show studio window.)

The joys of 983 Reservoir Street!

When I came to WMRA, nigh on to ten years ago (and who knew I'd be anywhere for ten years), we were officed in a hole. A beloved hole, but a hole nonetheless.

Management had windows; the rest of us were encased in cement blocks. I, personally, was housed in the satellite room, along with the equipment that captured our national programming and put it on the air. This equipment also regularly hummed, beeped, spoke (yes, spoke), and needed very cold temperatures. Needless to say, in the battle for temperature control of our shared space, the equipment won. I worked in my coat.

Four years ago we moved to 983 Reservoir Street, and, while already tremendously happy with my job, I became tremendously happy with my office. It is the one with all the clutter, and with a window that looks out on a scrub of woods in which live birds, squirrels, an obese groundhog, and foxes. My window faces north, making it the perfect light for African violets. And, best of all, it lets in natural light, which is so good for the soul.

983 Reservoir Street is a grand place to hang out and make radio. And it's also a very welcoming space, a perfect community center for the WMRA community of listeners. Its arrangement was configured (mostly by our engineer, Bill Fawcett) so that staff offices ring a kind of big square atrium-like central area that contains two on-air studios, a talk-show studio, and a couple of production studios.

This means we also have a big square of wide, white-walled hall.

A couple of years ago, All Things Considered host Terry Ward and artist Mia LaBerge got the brilliant idea to turn that hall into a gallery. They've just hung what I consider to be our most hopeful show, for it consists of the creations of students at Harrisonburg High School and Eastern Mennonite School.

I look at the work of these teenagers and somehow feel that this country will be alright; that our culture will not be engulfed by ignorance, anger, cynicism, and video-game addiction.

The opening is tonight, 5-7; and, yes, there will be food and music. I will be there interviewing students for this blog, and I want to underline what we've been saying on the air: You are most emphatically invited.

Hopeful art, good snacks and live music--what more could one want?

Unrelated Saturday snippets . . .

1.  ATC  Host Terry Ward's sneakers have gone national on NPR. They are number 11 in the NPR Sneaker Slide Show. And, in my opinion, by far the coolest!
   
2. Gettysburg lasted 3 days. Thank you, Poli-Sci professor Steve Bragaw, an old friend from my Sweet Briar College days, for contributing that nugget of information to the WMRA Fall Fundraising Effort (see yesterday's blog post, if this mystifies.) And if anyone else comes up with any personal, historical, scientific, mythical, athletic, etc. three-day event that wrought major change, please post it to this blog or else e-mail me directly.
3. On a completely personal  note, I do love my office mates, for a variety of reasons. We generally work very hard, we're generally helpful and supportive of each other's efforts, and we're generally tolerant of each other's quirks and shortcomings. We also find each other funny--which is life-saving, sometimes, when the stress level rises. I mean, just because we work in public radio doesn't mean we're serious all the time. For example, General Manager Tom DuVal and I were firing one-liner e-mails back and forth at each other about something ridiculous on Friday afternoon. When he stopped by my office on an unrelated issue, Tom pointed out we should be Twittering. Using up e-mail space to deliver one-liners, he said, was overload, like going after a pigeon with a cannon. It had been a long, productive week. I was feeling really tired and brain dead, and then this guy made me laugh out loud over nothing. What more could one want from one's Big Boss Man.
4. Finally, Morning Edition Host Bob Leweke and Tracey Brown are marrying today. Here's their picture (dark, but still so romantic). May blasts of good will and good wishes come their way from all of us.